Those Wacky North Koreans!

Oh, the strange things you can find if you poke around long enough. How about a North Korean movie? How about a North Korean giant-rubber-suit-monster movie produced by Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il? How about -- okay, no, this has gotten weird enough.

Pulgasari was some sort of dream project of Kim Jong-il's because he went to the trouble of kidnapping the director and a couple of the lead actors from South Korea to get the film made. I mean, risking an international incident just to make some allegorical monster movie? Pretty ballsy.

You get the poor populace being bullied and starved by the ruling class. As a revered blacksmith from the village dies in prison, he shapes a small creature from rice and other icky bits in his cell. After his daughter accidentally bleeds on the figurine, it comes to life and begins to eat any iron it can find. The more it eats, the bigger it grows. 

Soon, with the giant creature named Pulgasari, the villagers move against the oppressive king.

There are a lot of overwrought acting and cheesy special effects being thrown around. And talking. And more talking. The giant monster is almost forgotten for a huge chunk of the film. I know I dozed off multiple times. Talk, talk, talk.

Highlight of the film is the rather casual use of fire during the battle scenes. All the burning stuff rolling down on the actors is real. If you watch the battle scenes carefully, you can't help but wonder how many people suffered injury during the filming of this politically-limp wonder.

Trust me when I say you can do far, far worse, but still, don't skip your Wednesday night S & M Club meeting for this kind of pain. You'll want to hurt yourself for staying home, and you don't need that kind of moral conflict in your life.